Why “Acting Normal” Isn’t Helping—And What Really Works

Have you ever been told to “just act normal”? It sounds harmless, right? But for anyone navigating mental health challenges, this seemingly simple phrase can feel invalidating and even harmful. It’s a sentiment many of us have heard or even said ourselves, yet it often overlooks the complexity of mental health.

Let’s unpack why the idea of “acting normal” doesn’t work, and more importantly, what we can do instead to foster understanding, empathy, and real support.

What Does “Normal” Even Mean?

First, let’s address the elephant in the room: what is “normal” anyway? Spoiler alert: there is no universal standard. What feels “normal” in one culture or family might feel completely foreign to someone else. Imagine someone who’s naturally introverted being told they’re not “normal” for preferring quiet evenings over parties.

“Normal” is a subjective concept, shaped by culture, society, and personal experiences. For someone dealing with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge, the expectation to “act normal” can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. It’s confusing, exhausting, and ultimately unhelpful.

In fact, as we pointed out in our recent video, “Normal is a setting on a washing machine—not a state of mind.” This playful metaphor underscores a deeper truth: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to mental health.

Why “Just Act Normal” Feels Invalidating

For those facing mental health challenges, being told to “just act normal” can come across as dismissive. Here’s why:

1. It Oversimplifies Complex Issues

Mental health struggles aren’t about refusing to behave a certain way. For example, someone with anxiety might avoid social gatherings because their brain is overwhelmed, not because they’re unwilling to participate. These challenges often involve a brain or body working overtime, whether that’s heightened anxiety, deep fatigue, or difficulty processing emotions. Telling someone to “act normal” dismisses the very real internal battles they’re fighting.

2. It Adds Pressure to Mask Struggles

Many people already feel the need to hide their mental health challenges to fit into societal expectations. Being told to “act normal” can reinforce this pressure, leading to masking—a behavior that drains energy and worsens symptoms over time.

3. It Creates Emotional Distance

When someone hears “just act normal,” they may feel misunderstood or unsupported. This phrase can unintentionally build walls instead of bridges.

Understanding the Science of Mental Health

To better understand why “acting normal” isn’t the answer, it helps to look at the science behind mental health challenges:

• Anxiety: Think of anxiety like a smoke alarm that goes off even when there’s no fire. This constant state of alarm can make even simple daily tasks—like grocery shopping or answering emails—feel overwhelming and exhausting. It’s your brain and body trying to protect you, even if the “threat” isn’t real.

  
  

• Depression: Imagine running a marathon on an empty tank. No matter how much you rest, the exhaustion doesn’t lift. That’s what depression often feels like.

  
  

• Masking: When people pretend to be fine to fit into societal expectations, it’s called masking. While it might help them blend in, it’s emotionally and physically exhausting, often worsening their mental health over time.

  
  

Mental health isn’t about refusing to “act normal.” It’s about navigating challenges that others may not see or fully understand.

What to Say Instead of “Act Normal”

So, if “just act normal” isn’t helpful, what should we say or do instead? Here are a few suggestions to foster understanding and support:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of assuming what someone needs, try asking:

• “How can I support you right now?”

• “What would make this easier for you?”

  
  

2. Validate Their Experience

Simple phrases like:

• “It’s okay to not be okay.”

• “I’m here for you.”can go a long way in making someone feel seen and heard.

  
  

3. Be Patient and Present

You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes just being there—offering your presence and listening without judgment—is enough.

For Those Facing Mental Health Challenges

If you’re someone navigating mental health challenges, here’s an important reminder: you are not broken. You don’t need to “act normal” to be valued, loved, or respected. Your struggles don’t define you; your resilience does.

When societal expectations feel overwhelming, it’s okay to take a step back, set boundaries, and prioritize your well-being. Authenticity over “acting normal” is a powerful choice.

For Those Supporting Someone Else

If you’re trying to support someone, know that your empathy and understanding make all the difference. You don’t need to have the perfect words—just showing up, listening, and offering compassion can create a space for healing and connection.

Redefining Normal Together

At the end of the day, we all have a role to play in redefining what “normal” really means. It starts by valuing authenticity over appearances and understanding over assumptions.

Together, we can create a world where no one feels pressured to hide their struggles and everyone feels safe to show up as they are.

Want to learn more? Watch our video above, “Why ‘Acting Normal’ Isn’t Helping”, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Let’s normalize empathy, authenticity, and support—because that’s what truly matters.

Start today by reaching out to someone in your life: ask how they’re really doing, listen without judgment, or share this message to spread awareness.

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Disclaimer & Copyright

This post reflects my personal experience and is not intended to serve as professional advice or therapeutic guidance. If you are navigating similar challenges, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional.

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